By
wisdom is a house built and by understanding it is established….1. For
which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth
the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?....2.
The challenge many people are facing in our world and that has made marriage
and relationship ill-spoken off is lack of required knowledge and intelligence that make relationship and marriage work, because they started building without knowing what it costs to build let alone
knowing if what they has can complete the building (relationship) or not
Love language 2: Quality time
ref; The five love languages by Gary Chapman
ref; The five love languages by Gary Chapman
In the first
post on this series, emphasis was laid on why love fails
and the need for a better understanding of the five love languages were made
know with clarity. In respect to that; we started the first love language which will serve as a prerequisite knowledge on which
love language two will built on, stay focused and be blessed as you enjoy the
second love language
Many
capitalize on love and yet fail, if love is the only criteria for a successful
home, then I think almost everyone should be successful martially because love
is everywhere just as infatuation if also everywhere. The goal of this post is not that you read and share
alone but rather that we are truly transformed and be equipped to have a
sustainable knowledge and understanding that make relationship and marriage
work
Love language two: QUALITY TIME:
Quality time is a love
language that when you don’t really understand its concept and it importance
can ruin your relationship or marriage. I made it known from the beginning of
this series that your love language often time will not be the same with that
of your partner and on few occasion have we seen lovers having the same love
language which implies that you should not only know your personal love
language but also that of your partner
And not just knowing it; but
also learning how to speak it well, that your partner may flow and communicate
with you fluently with such languages. If you don’t understand your partners
love language, you will be giving your best according to you but will be ill
spoken of
Quality time is very crucial
and can never be overemphasize in relationship and marriage, almost everyone
demands it but not everyone gives it, I will emphasize on the second love
language regards the meaning of quality time to different people. Do you know
that quality time given to your partner or that your partner may be expecting
from you may not necessarily be that you stay with them all day, you can stay
with someone all day and yet not give quality time.
Part of the green light
that indicates your partners love language to be quality time are as follow:
1. When such individual
always demand for time, they never get tire of it
2. When such individual love
to be on phone with you for hours: To you it may sound or look like a waste of
time but to him/her it is gold, you have to learn balance
3 When they demand
vacations, taking a walk, seeing movies, doing things together and many more:
It is not that those things are that important to them, what really matter is
the time they spend with you, those activities attached is a means to create
avenue for the time
It is also important that we
know so well that all the above mentioned activities can take place in a
relationship and yet still lacking quality time as it is supposed to be or as
demanded, because quality time is not in the duration of time spent together or
where the time was spent but rather on how the time was spent; meaning that you
can be together all day and yet not spending quality time
Dialects 1:
Focused attention:
Doing things together or
spending time together is not what matters most here or probably what we call spending quality time but rather focusing not on
the activities but on yourselves
I used to give people
attention and try as much as possible to give time to them despite my tight
schedules, but most of the time, I only make myself available without giving
them attention because, it is either I am typing on my phone to answer question
and counsels, writing on paper to note certain things, or doing other things
while listening
I usually tell them I am
with you fully, don’t mind what I am doing, just continue and I am listening: I
truly gave attention, but not focused attention and that is a very poor and a bad
way of giving attention to people. I’ve changed with time though
It is better the attention
wasn’t given at all than giving a divided one, focused attention is when you
neglect all you are doing and concentrate on what you both are saying or doing
with absolute focus and intentionality, the duration is not what matter but the
quality of the time spent together; how it was judiciously spent and maximized.
Only few people give focused
attention in their relationship: Have you seen instances where two lovers are
playing tennis and at a point, one is focusing on winning the game while the
other is focusing on the partner
At a point, when the one
focusing on winning played the ball expecting the other to play back, the other
person may let go of the ball and could fix his/her gaze on the partner with a
silent expression on the face that says “I love you and you are the best thing
that has ever happen to me” as if he/she was lost in the wilderness
That person fixing the gaze
understood what quality time is and not just the activity, the person love
language if genuinely expressed is quality time. For the other partner to
communicate better, this understanding is needed
To the one whose love
language is quality time, the time mean so much to him/her that he/she could
not control the emotional connection any longer. Don’t only spent time together
and thinking you are really giving your best but rather spend quality time
together. It may be long and not quality and may be short and quality.
Dialect 2:
Quality conversation:
When I studies quality
conversation in respect to the second love language and relating it with my
experience over years in counseling and personal experience, I realized that
many people have romantic conversation often but not ever quality
It may be a conversation
truly but not quality because communication became a ritual and what should
have made it quality will definitely be missing which is sympathy
Quality conversation with
sympathy is a kind of conversation whereby we are sharing the feelings intensely
together and not just talking. I am feeling what you are feeling, be it love,
pain or whatsoever. That is why it is called quality conversation and not just
calling or conversation
Have you seen instances
whereby a partner is telling the other person something that happened and such
an individual was shedding tears as a result of the level of pain what happened
caused him or her, but the other partner in his/her mind will be like, you will
get over it with time, cry if you will cry now and let us go
The feeling is not mutual,
no sympathy as it may be, the conversation is mutual, may be deep but not
quality. So for your relationship to move to the level you really wished, learn
sympathy, it’s very important and how to communicate effectively.
It is important that you
listen to your partner and not just think to provide solution to their problems;
there are times that the problem is shared with you not for the purpose of
providing solution, but rather for the purpose of sympathy, to feel what they
are feeling and that he/she may lean on you while you are saying all will be
fine soon, imbibe word of encouragement, after which advice for solution can
follow
Ways to imbibe sympathy in quality
conversation with your partner while you discus or share their pains/mind with
you
1. Maintain
eye contact when your partner is talking
2. Don’t
listen to your partner and do something else at the same time
3. Listen for
feelings: Don’t listen to fulfill all righteousness but rather to get his/her
state of mind through his/her speech, that’s what make you a real companion
4. Observe
body language: Don’t pretend as if you are not seeing the tears gathering while
he/she talks: You are to quickly curdle/hug him/her and encourage with positive
words, it is not about the challenge but the approach to solve it, start as
such
5. Don’t
interrupt: Don’t cut him/her while talking, exercise patience and let him/her
land without interruption. Don’t be too quick to jump into conclusion that you
know where he/she will land, give room for expression because you may be wrong
by assumptions
If all the
aforementioned can be understood and well applied to your relationship and marriage;
I congratulate you as I welcome you into the world of marital fulfillment with
gradual process
Next: LOVE LANGUAGE THREE
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You can also
check the following posts and be blessed:
Reference
Prov. 24:3…….1
Luke 14:28…….2
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