How to keep your relationship away from rivals

You can lose your partner to another man or woman out there if you have not learnt how to protect their minds from snatchers who are so cunning and are ready to do anything to have their way

Love language 3: Receiving gift
ref; The five love languages by Gary Chapman

This series started few weeks ago with introduction which unveiled certain reasons why love fails, reasons why two individuals gets married with all excitement on or before the wedding day, and get tired of the whole thing after few months. They became bored, lonely, angry and regretting the decision they ever made to get married in the first place and now wishing and willing to opt out (divorce)

The series is based on understanding the true meaning of love and how to effectively communicate the reality of a true and genuine love. It has been established in our previous posts that love is a DECISION and for anyone to love genuinely, effectively and to be successful in their love story, the understanding of the languages of love must be sustained and the skills to fluently speak and communicate it must be consciously and intentionally acquired

This is why we arrived at studying and teaching the five love languages to inspire and encourage every individual by unveiling the importance of speaking ones partner love language and its effect negatively if not well understood and spoken

I once fell victim of the disaster that can happen to a relationship when this particular love language is ignored and not given priority. I never took giving of gift serious and it never appeared to be a big deal for intimacy because I was ignorant of its importance. I believed love can overcome all this activities; meaning that; if you love me, you should love me for who I am, either I give gift or not, it should change nothing.

It was bad to the extent that the only time I consider giving my partner gift in a whole year was during valentine and birthday celebration. Later I started trying to give because I was willing to change due to complains and nagging, and that was the beginning of the second world (mind) war

I believed gifts should be something tangible and my definition of tangibility has to do with the gift being expensive and valuable based on the highness of its price and because of that, I was unable to give gift as my partner expected. Meanwhile, what she was expecting of me was a gift as an expression of my love for her. The gift is not the major thing as far as she is concerned, but the expression, feeling and motive attached to it (could this be what your relationship is suffering from?)

She knows it to be a symbol of thought and expression of love, care, and concern. Love should not only be conceived but also must be expressed that it may be seen as an end result. But lately when I realize the importance of gift in relationships (of any kind; parent to children, friends, colleagues, and lovers), I deemed it fit to kick out the demon (ignorance) that enslaved my mind and deprived me of expressing my love in such manner to strengthen my relationships. 

Gift is something an individual can hold in their hand and say “look, he was thinking about me” or “she remembered me”, because it is impossible to get someone a gift without thinking of the person.

This is part of the reason many relationships are boring and a similitude of a desert because gift is never used to express their love to each other, this language of love has never being well communicated. It is indeed an expression of love; love from mother to the children, children to parent, a friend to another, a lover to another and many more. The quality of the love you have for someone can be measured also by your act of giving to such individual.

Not the quantity of what you are giving but rather the value and honour placed on, and attached to the gift you are giving which is the manner of presentation.

Few years ago and about 3 days to the completion of my National Youth Service, many people in that environment; the school I served, church, neighborhood and so on presented gifts to me as a token of their appreciation for my heartfelt commitment and contribution to the growth of the community and the people in general. But something unforgettable happened.

Out of the many gift I received which I deeply loved and appreciated is this special gift I can’t afford to lose and I will never forget; a mentee of mine presented to me a written letter that truly expressed her love, impact made and her pain because I will be leaving and she made hand drawn designs of love and other things on the paper, when I checked other gifts, I was amazed and happy, but when I check her gift, I was so broken and became very emotional immediately. I can’t account for many of those gifts today but her gift remains in my file and fresh in my memory.

You don’t need to kill yourself on buying expensive gifts when the capacity is not there yet, but if truly the person means so much to you, you will present gift that will really touch their heart and truly pass the message.

There are many people that don’t wear their wedding ring after the wedding while some can’t do without it. Anyone whose his/her love language is gift giving will so much value the wedding ring, wear it always and will always contend that his/her partner wears it, not necessarily because of fear or insecurity but because of the value placed on the ring (gift) in alignment to his/her love language. 

Often time when a loved one present gifts to us and we are caring and protecting the gift as if our lives depends on it, sometimes it may only be a card, bracelet, hand chain and many more that is not really expensive but you care for those things so much that you can’t share or give it to anyone

Sometimes, they present it when they are travelling and each time you see the gift, you remember them and embrace the gift, play with it and at time, tears will drop from your eyes as an expression of how much you loved and missed them.

Don’t trivialize the bond that gift can bring to your relationship and marriage; it is indeed a symbol of love, appreciation and act of encouragement without opening your mouth to talk, but it all lies in your understanding of the importance and implication of gift on relationship and marriage and the value placed on it.

Continuation……

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