How to increase intimacy in your relationship

Feeling can grow by itself, emotion can increase by itself, affection can come naturally, but intimacy will always be a product of investment and intention. Increase intimacy in your relationship and marriage with the secret of gift

How to give a productive gift that increases intimacy regardless of its price

1. Get a list: It is important to get the list of things/gifts your partners had expressed excitement receiving over the years, probably things he/she had mentioned as interest in some of your conversations. You don’t jump to the market to buy things blindly or meeting friends to ask what a man or a lady/woman can buy for the partner without knowing what exactly your partner will love when you buy it.

Have you ever being disappointed or angry for buying something for your partner or loved ones and never see them use it or they gave it out afterwards, this is the reason; when you buy things they don’t like, hardly will they use it. He/she will appreciate it and keep it somewhere or give it out afterwards. Have a list of things they like and get them according to your capacity.

Learn the method of giving gifts, else your gift will not fulfill its purpose and people who have learnt the method will present gift to your partner and you will become jealous by the amazement of how he/she will appreciate and cherish it and from here unnecessary competition can start.

2. Give with honour: I’ve said this before in some of the previous posts and I will say it again. Remember when Abel and Cain brought their sacrifices to God, It was recorded in the scriptures that the sacrifice of one was accepted and the other was rejected by God (And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering)….1

Why was one accepted and the other rejected? But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect….2. If we consider the two points, God accepted/rejected them first before considering their offering at all. Unto Abel and to his offering.

Meaning that your gift is as important as you (your state of mind) when giving, your gift may never be accepted if you are not first accepted and what will program you for acceptance is the honour attached to the gift you are giving which includes the manner of presentation.

Abel honoured God so much that the offering he brought was an honourable one which was from the best of best and God accepted him (the state of his mind), then the offering

Note: If your partner has been critical of your gifts in the past years and almost nothing you’ve given has been accepted or being excited about, then receiving gift is almost certainly not his/her primary love language.

The best investment/gift

Relationship is the best investment and gift is a good way for commitment and expression of the importance of the relation. Many people need to change their attitude about money if you will ever make this investment. Some are happy to spend, they are easy givers and for this kind of people, to invest in relationships will be easy while some love to invest in other things, but see giving and gift to the partner as a waste of resources, they are not bad people but there must be a shift in your paradigm if this is you. The gift you give will not stop you from other investment.

If after you have invested in business and career and have all the profit and influence in the world; there is no one to stand beside you and whisper; God has really blessed us, then all your investment is nonsense. If your partner primary love language is receiving gift, this is the best investment you can make believe me. Joy is far better than money, money will not give joy, it will only give you comfort but relationships will provide both comfort and joy

The gift of self

Being there when you are needed is the best gift you can ever give to anyone and it will never be trashed, but also must be given with honour. In the reference book for this series; The Five Love Language: Dr. Chapman stated that he met a couple many years ago and the wife was so sad that her husband loves softball than he loved her and Dr. Chapman asked why?

She said the day she gave birth to their child; the husband was there and immediately she gave birth, the only person she wanted to see beside her was her husband but the husband left to play softball immediately after birth

The husband was asked later by Dr. Chapman and he said, he loved softball truly but not more than his wife; and that he left after the birth to share the good news with his friends and also to play softball together probably to celebrate. But the wife counted it as her worst experience being married; the time I needed him the most, he was not there. Most of us love to give excuses that are not genuine, I am busy, it is work and this and that; time won’t come by itself, you have to create it

Love is more than statements, LOVE is a DECISION and the prove is ACTIONS. Stop loving by mouth and disappear when needed. If receiving gift is your spouse/partner’s primary love language, then your body and presence becomes more important to him/her than any other thing you can give.

He/she will appreciate other gifts with a lots of excitement but not as important and valuable as your presence and self (This is why many relationship and marriage today are boring and at the verge of failing). Don’t wait till it happen to your relationship/marriage before you amend or learn the lessons.

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Reference

Gen. 4:4b.............. 1

Gen. 4:5a .............. 2